So recently my toddlers had me in hysterics mispronouncing "shuttlecock" and calling it a "suckycock" which also reminded me of Zac shouting that he wanted "cockporn" in the cinema some years ago. We sell some fabulous journals to record kids quotes as too often we laugh so hard but quickly forget what they said. So the idea of a competition to collect the best from our customers was borne. The winner is at the bottom of the list but check out some of the hilarious entries here!
"When my younger sister was at nursery they were doing about the number 2 and the teacher asked what body parts people had 2 of, there were numerous answers shouted by her peers, arms, legs, eyes and such, Rosie then got the bright idea into her head and shouted "NIPPLES" at the top of her voice!"
"My niece was three and visiting the Dr looking all cute with her bunches, when the Dr asked her 'what her Daddy did?' She replied sweetly, 'he drinks beer and says Fuck off!!'"
"We call my mum nanny Mcphee but for about 6 months my innocent boy couldn't say this, we bumped into her at TKMaxx and he was shouting 'Nanny fuck me 'across the shop"
"A boy I was looking after was leaving nursery his mum told him to say goodbye, to which he turned around & said ' see you next tuesday!' ..... me & the mum made eye contact & shared a laugh & a smile"
"My niece came home one day telling us all about what she'd been learning at school. She then announced "did you know octopus have 8 testicles'"
"Tom announced he would really like a dog for Christmas! I asked what would you call it? I'd call it muffin he replied. I thought that's nice! He then said..... But it would be called "Muff" for short! Visions of us shouting for "Muff " at the park!"
"Brown chocolate sends Erin crazy and so is only allowed it occasionally..more so now than when she was younger. When she had not long turned three we were walking down the street after buying some chocolate. At the time she called it 'cock'. "Mummy I like cock! Just white cock though don't I mummy because you say I can't have brown cock'."
"My daughter was 4 and her school had won the eco flag.... my daughter couldn't pronounce the 'f' she excitedly asked her nana if she would come to school that day as they were raising the 'slag' in the playground..."
"My nephew can't say stick(s) he says 'd*cks' instead.. his mum and dad took him to the local park and he picked up a big stick and shouted "Dad, look how big my d*ck is" his parents were so embarrassed but couldn't stop laughing!"
"My daughter had just started school and her teacher asked what her mam and dad did for work .My daughter replied my dad drives trains and my mum works with a load of cows ( I worked on a farm ) the teacher thought I had been complaining that I worked with a load of cows!"
"When I bought plasters one day in Wilkinsons...my daughter decided to tell the till assistant so the whole queue could hear. "My mummy has to wear plasters in her pants, because her Minnie moo gets poorly sometimes!"
"From my grandson when I had been very brave and put on a pair of shorts, grandma, grandma, you've got a hole in your leg' Yes the dreaded cellulite. He then said 'never mind, mummy's got fat legs as well!"
"My daughter used to call watches clocks without the L. We were in Argos one day when she saw a giant watch/clock on the wall she said at the top of her voice "Look my Daddy has a Big Cock like that one!"
"My son couldn't pronounce blueberries when he was tiny. They were his favourite food so whenever we went out and I'd try to convince him to try something else he'd just shout "I want boobies!""
"My niece has visited Egypt a few times and until now she couldn't actually say it properly so she went round telling everybody she was going to Ebitch"
"My eldest used to call my husbands wallet his "willi", but trail of the emphasis on the "t". Never used to go down when well he came to pay and she'd say, "come Daddy, get your willi out""
"My son at about age 4 couldn't pronounce blackcurrant.....I only found this out in a Frankie & Benny's when the waitress asked which kind of diluting juice he'd like, he shouted "black see you next Tuesday!"
"My son was about 3/4 & was going to the toilet for a wee, he couldn't go so he innocently said to my mum "nana I think I need some batteries, my winkies not working"
"When my kid walks up to me and goes 'mum daddys nobby isnt he"
"My daughter now says pish for fish but sounds like piss!"
"My son couldn't say 'cr' it was always 'fu' so crocodile was fuckodile! And when he sang the crooked man nursery rhyme it came out as fucked man!"
"my son couldn't say his aunties name kirsty so for about 4 years she was known as auntie Titsey!!"
"On the way to a mall in the USA last week, Katie was going through the list of shops saying "Mum, there is a Calvin clean underwear shop!!!"
"My oldest son used to ask if he could have a big shit (biscuit)"
'Oor Wullie trail' is where u go and visits over 50 wullie status painted by different artist all over Dundee. While in the trail my 5 year old daughter asked "is there any naked willies"
"Me and partner had been arguing one day when we were getting into the car, I was strapping my eldest (whose 2) into his car seat when his dad said something to me so I said (under my breath) shut up you w*nker. We were driving along about 20 mins or later when my son said 'daddy, your a w*nker!'"
"My 3 year old can't pronounce 'c' so says 't' in its place. Lots of fun when you ask her what a duck does. Yes Iyla, they do say "Twat, Twat!"
"My little boy couldn't say sitting properly so one day I was pushing him round a shop in his push chair with him repeatedly saying mummy I'm shitting"
"My daughter struggled to say quickly so if she called me it used to be come tittly"
"My youngest boy who's three can't quite say 'uncle' properly so he calls my brother 'cuntle thomas'"
"My little girl used to always ask for cockporn (popcorn) in the wankawave (microwave)"
"My sons second ever word was cock he always pointed at a clock
"Piss piss" (crispies)
"Pannner cake" (pancake)
"My 2 girls both can't say ice creams they always ask for an arse cream"
"My 18 month old has an obsession with sticks, if he sees one he has to pick it up to carry with him, unfortunately can not pronounce it properly so instead of shouting "a stick" at me he shouts "a dick""
"My daughter who is just over 2 said "mammy, do I have lady bits like you now? Because I used to have a boy todge didn't I? But it fell off a long time ago""
AND THE WINNER WITH 59 LIKES ON FACEBOOK IS LITTLE ISLA HOPE! When asking for her fork in her chair "Give me my f*uckin chair!" Well done Isla and Mummy Katie Preston. £20 TLKC gift voucher for you!
We have laughed so much, spat drinks out and cried with hysterics at all these entries! Thank you for your generosity with time and trouble to enter and share your stories. We have loved them! Don't forget to write them down. Grab a journal or a Memory Jar!! #outofthemouthsofbabes